The mute button...

I think that I have finally found a way to make the voices in my head to be quiet. My whole life as I can remember it I have always seem myself as overweight. When I look at pictures of me before kids I looked good...but didn't know it. As my awesome children have came into this world...I have focused my attention on them and put myself second..third..etc. As much as I try to hide from scales and mirrors...eventually you realize that you can't hide the fact that you are overweight..and well, fat. As I am approaching five years of being a parent next week, I realize that I as a person have developed a lot and I am beautiful on the inside..it is just my outside that doesn't match. As I sure you have heard me talk recently, 6 weeks ago, Kenny and I decided enough was enough. We want to be more healthy and be around for a long time. As of today Kenny and I have lost a total of 30 lbs. (15 each). That is three 10 lb bags of potatoes! I haven't eaten fried food in 6 weeks PEOPLE!! That is totally a record for me..since I love fresh hot fries with lots of salt. But the few minutes on the lips is totally NOT worth it. There is nothing worse than the voices in your head (and aren't we our worse critics) constantly accusing you that you are fat and then just feeling sad about that and doing nothing. There is nothing more empowering to me than hitting the pavement and just me, (no husband or kids..sometimes the dog) running until I can't breathe. The voices in my head don't have much to say anymore because I am making the changes that I needed to make. My husband keeps looking at me and saying what a difference he can see in me...and that feels really good.

As I look back on 2009, I will remember Avery's 5th birthday party as one of the best days of the year. It wasn't that the clothes I chose to wear that day showed off my newly lost weight (because that isn't the case), or that I had a good hair day (certainly not since I didn't get a shower that morning due to having to tie up some details on the slideshow and left at 7am) or because I won a million dollars that day...it was completely because of the friends and family that were there to celebrate Avery's birthday. I think moving away made me appreciate even more my roots. I felt warm and fuzzy for days after her party. Thank you too all of you that joined me in celebrating Avery on that beautiful Saturday afternoon. It was by far her best party yet.

Within the next couple of weeks we will be renewing our lease on our apartment. Kenny and I agreed today that this certainly wasn't in our 'master plan'. We live in a really nice apt with great amenities..but we would love to be in a house again. With all of the baby stuff around we sometimes feel like we have to tiptoe around to get from one room to another. But when you look at things with perspective you realize that a house really isn't everything..what is important to us is that we are living our dream together. Kenny has a passion for studying and teaching...and he is going to DTS to be trained in what he is passionate about. Sitting in his Sunday School class week after week I am more and more surprised at just how knowledgeable he is. I am constantly blown away by him. So I guess living in an apt on a budget is just the price you pay for living your dream. Being comfortable in a great house going to the same job that you aren't passionate about is just not living. I am looking forward to getting back to work soon and getting that house in June '10. (which will be here before you know it)

Here are some snapshots from our family over the last few weeks.












These are pics from Avery's Birthday party, Her AWANA graduation, and Saturday's picnic and getting exercise on the walking trails at Keller-Smithfield park.